by Clockwork Carruthers
July 4, 2007
The backdrop for disaster
NAPERVILLE, IL-- Apparently around 9:15 PM Central Time, a distress signal was sent out in the form of a flare during the intense finale of a pretty damn good fireworks display.
Damien Maciano, 26, drove his truck into a ditch where nearby lava was flowing, which slowly surrounded him in a valley of inevitable doom. Upon impact, he became paralyzed from the waist down.
According to a local drunk, named Geoffrey, Damien was within reach of a set of flares, along with a Scripto Aim and Flame Butane Lighter, as he tried desperately to gain the attention of the fireworks onlookers.