by Clockwork Carruthers
Sept. 27, 2006
At 3:15 PM E.T. on September 27, 2006, Terrell Owens released a statement to the press the day following his suicide attempt in an attempt to explain his attempted suicide.
"I was upset with the contract I had made with the devil. My agent told me this would be a wise move. The contract? Years back, Death told me he would make me rich and famous, but in return I would have to die by my 34th birthday. My agent and I felt this contract was starting to wear on my career and would eventually hurt my teammates, so I tried to terminate the contract because I was unhappy with my fame...and my teammates...and Bill Parcells...and especially Donovan McNabb...and the way I've been treated by the press...and the kids that picked on me when I was younger...and that lady's hair in the back...and Rand McNally...and my invisible friends Torry Jolt and Jerry Mice that have been relentlessly taunting me since the superbowl I lost against New England."
Well that didn't make any sense. Looks like he failed again...but this time instead of failing at suicide he failed at making any sense. He is a relentless truth teller though. I believe him.