by Clockwork Carruthers
July 13, 2006
Even in the post-2004 championship era, Red Sox fans have not forgotten their hatred for the Yankees. It's not like they'll just all of the sudden forgive and forget. To a Red Sox fan, this championship just fueled the rivalry even more.
by Clockwork Carruthers
May 4, 2006
As if things couldn't get any worse for MLB slugger Barry Bonds, yesterday during batting practice he was struck in the head by a foul ball. Upon waking up from the daze, Barry immediately telephoned his lawyers Michael Rains and Alison Berry Wilkinson to examine the options.
by Clockwork Carruthers
April 15, 2006
Professional pallbearer Carl Newcastle is 57 and still going strong. How does he do it? A strict diet and workout regimen. After thirty-some odd years of pallbearing, Carl has come up with his own system that helps him stay physically strong, and mentally sound as he ushers the dead on a daily basis.
by Clockwork Carruthers
April 5, 2006
CHICAGO-- Jason Jenkins, 24, considered himself the best. Everyone in town received their papers on time and never had any complaints. To the neighborhood, the site of Jason riding his bicycle on the street in the morning was what would reassure everyone that the world still turns.
by Clockwork Carruthers
March 14, 2006
OWASSA, MI-- Once a year, these very competitive fisherman put aside their differences by celebrating the carp.
by Clockwork Carruthers
March 9, 2006
For Jon Smoltz's 2006 MLB fantasy baseball team, he made a daring move in not drafting himself this year, claiming that he feels that he is losing the capability of producing the numbers he has had in the past. Smoltz stated that he had taken the advice of Brandon Funston who wrote, "admittedly, fear age or health may bite in '06."
by Clockwork Carruthers
Feb. 27, 2006
On February 28th, young Calvin Scott Tungstable will be knighted. Prime Minister Tony Blair had announced this young child would be the representative face of England, and will push for his teeth to be part of the Union Jack flag.
by Clockwork Carruthers
Feb. 23, 2006
JACKSON, MS-- Every February 23rd, families celebrate their pet dogs on a controversial holiday known as 'Dog Biscuit Appreciation Day'. On this holiday, owners give their pet dogs a biscuit to their best friends to show their appreciation for their companionship. As innocent as this holiday sounds, it has caused quite a stir in the feline community.
B.C. Rich Warlock To Blame
by Clockwork Carruthers
Feb. 22, 2006
HELENA, MT-- Lead vocalist Simeon Grendel of Helena based metal band Grendel's Revenge had taken a severe blow to the head from his bandmate's custom B.C. Rich Warlock guitar.
by Clockwork Carruthers
Feb. 19, 2006
The acclaimed feats of North Korean dictator Kim Jong-Il were given to his people here. However, The U.N. has uncovered some lesser known items about Kim.
by Clockwork Carruthers
Feb. 18, 2006
In response to the British government's ban on smoking inside public buildings (read here), the Underground Nincompoop talked with famed public smoking advocate, The Smog Strangler.
by Clockwork Carruthers
Feb. 3, 2006
In 1985, young and ambitious Dreaderic Tatum sat in his high school classroom. Not only a straight A student, Tatum was also the captain of the wrestling team, and a full back of his high school varsity football team. Twenty years ago, this struggle between jock-stylings and nerd-dom had caused him to lose many friends.