by Dillon Farnum
Nov. 27, 2006
MYSTIC, CT-- The night was sultry. Nineteen-year-old Devon Frysinger was picking up a friend on his way to a long awaited concert. He had already seen the All-American Rejects twice, but he knew that this tour for their new album was something special.
Special enough to impress long time friend Norma Jean Bayless. While his crush had developed throughout the years of friendship, he never had the gumption to pitch the idea of an exclusive relationship. She seemed to be pretty interested in Bobby Maydur anyways because he played an instrument most kids his age never even heard of.
Nevertheless Devon was sure that tonight would be the night he would finally tell her. So Devon went to go pick up Norma Jean. Much to Devon's dismay, she had invited Bobby to go along with them and they were both waiting when he arrived.
Bobby introduced himself to Devon, "I have a much better car than this one. This car equals ghey. Let's take mine and then we'll drop you off early Devon." They congregate in Bobby Maydur's Black Volkswagon Jetta (automatic). After the ignition, you could hear the acoustic guitar fade in:
Oh, we're sinking like stones,
All that we fought for,
All those places we've gone,
All of us are done for...
The song, by Coldplay was "Don't Panic", from their debut album, Parachutes. It was also featured as the first track in the Garden State soundtrack, a recent hit film whose moral is "It's ok to feel!"
Devon chimed in, "Oh I Love Coldplay! They are like the new U2 or something!" A quick retort from Bobby informed all members in the car that this was not the Coldplay album, but instead the opening track to the Garden State soundtrack. "You love coldplay? What are you an emo queer or something? This is garden state. The ONLY reason this song is good, is because of its context within the album and the movie." Immediately Norma Jean was smitten.
Not with Bobby Maydur, or even longtime friend Devon Frysinger, but with Zach Braff. This unhealthy obsession was fed to her by all of her friends. They told her things like, "Zach knows what we all like!" and "He is the vessel to the world of what is and isn't truly cool!"
The moral of the story? Don't let a movie star steal the girl next door OR Coldplay Kills OR Just play Beatles next time and you'll be safe.