by Johnny Guatemala
July 27, 2009
DALLAS--Seeking to increase market share in difficult financial times, Dr. Pepper quietly introduced its newest product, Baby Dr. Pepper, in a Tuesday memo to its bottling facilities nationwide.
Hoping to solidify a corner in the previously nonexistent market of infant colas, Dr. Pepper will debut its diminutive four-ounce beverage alongside traditional infant juices in grocery stores this fall. The product will contain Dr. Pepper's traditional 23-flavor recipe, along with DHA/ARA supplements for brain and eye development, after hesitant product focus groups reacted favorably to their addition.
Baby Dr. Pepper is expected to sell well in urban convenient stores and rural outposts.
Asked about the ethical ramifications of promoting soda consumption in infants, company spokesman Tom Purcell issued the following statement:
"Speaking for the consumer aspirations of babies, who are unable to vocalize their desire for quality beverages, I believe that it is time to directly market to them. While many infants and toddlers have been given a soft drink at a company picnic or family event to keep quiet, no one has bothered to ask whether it was their cola of choice. Dr. Pepper wants to let them know they have one. And if they choose our brand, it's literally a smart choice, because our product will ramp up their cognitive abilities."
Wendy Nordhauser, a policy advocate for the Texas Better Business Bureau, is one of many vocal opponents spearheading a boycott of the product, hoping to keep it from ever appearing on store shelves.
"This is deplorable. It is cynical and caters to lazy parenting in order to make a quick buck. If we're going to keep Baby Dr. Pepper from ever being sold to infants, we have to be as unreasonable and alarmist as possible in our arguments, and compare these company executives to brutal 20th century dictators. Won't these cola-swilling mini-Hitlers please think about the children?," she said.
Unfortunately, Nordhauser's arguments will probably fall flat, given that she was too ugly to have her picture taken for posting in this article. Also damaging her credibility in the debate over what is good for children was her shrill, disagreeable temperament which shows no man could stand her and give her the children of her own she needs to have a valid opinion.
Nevertheless, while most consumers debate on the ethics of marketing soda to infants, some have brought up the possibility that buyers will be paying too much for the new product, set to retail at $1.09.
"For real, I've been giving my baby all kinds of cola for months. It just makes sense to me to buy a 12-ounce can for the unit price. You know, like Sam's Club. I'm not paying extra for this DHA science," said Fort Worth native, Kip Torrington.