by Johnny Guatemala
Dec. 11, 2007
Have you caught yourself enjoying a festive Muzak version of Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer in a dentist's office lately? Jazz musicians say for shame. Looking to score a paycheck, many jazz artists are taking holiday gigs and Kenny G'ing their style with festive holiday tunes to eke out a living, they say.
"It's the musical equivalent of buying $10 shoes at Wal-Mart while fully knowing that some Indonesian five-year-old made them. Now substitute the five-year-old Indonesian with a 60-year-old Memphis saxophone player," said jazz drummer Ernest "Drills" Slakes.
In addition, the rigid 1950's vibe to most holiday songs leaves little room to work with, even for mastered improvisationalists. Rife with major chords and light on syncopation, popular holiday songs have jazz musicians waving a white flag in their creative bids.
Slakes quipped, "Well, I won't be playing any backbeats for about a month."
A musician plays a personally painful version of O Holy Night for dough.
The brunt of the holiday-fueled nadir is reserved for jazz vocalists, who will be subject to an interminable number of derivative, scat-based Santa Claus Is Coming To Town homages.
"I feel like the musical version of a mall Santa Claus...an outlet mall Santa Claus, even," said singer Loretta Stevens, before slugging back a bottle of amaretto backstage at a local community college theater.
Ever the contrarian in the jazz world, sax man Dave Koz revelled in holiday cheer and secretary-fueled box office draw after closing out a set with Walking In A Winter Wonderland. "These fans are great, and honestly, I give 'em what they want to hear during the holidays. Holidays are happy, and you won't catch me playing minor chords. I try to stay away from major sevenths if I can, too," he said.
Session piano man Herbert Knowles didn't share Koz' viewpoint, and said he was still looking to collect from Koz for his work on Hanukkoz Blessings, which he performed under the pseudonym Bobby Jingles.
"I done awful things for this money and I want my pay, dammit. I'm just trying to get enough money for a one-way ticket to Amsterdam. They actually pay you well in Europe if you can play stride," said Knowles.