Urkel inspiring spontaneous synchronized dancing from 90's youths.
by Lemuel Biedelschies, Wayward Amish Carpenter/TV critic
Sept. 7, 2006
Good Lord, how time flies by, especially now that I have a clock from this century. I think I might get one of those digital wristwatches I've heard a great deal about. It was a big deal--or so I heard during my Rumspringa in the 80's--the digital vs. traditional wristwatch debate.
Anywho, I've been part of your English society for quite awhile now. And ever since, I've had the privilege to take in a wealth of your popular culture, albeit without being able to fully break from the silly confines of my upbringing. The mixture produced a 1993 string of blurred moonshine still sessions behind the grandstand of a drag racing track, followed by me waking up in a Detroit bus station with the sneaking suspicion that my oozing wounds were somehow caused by a cougar.
But before I get too harsh on the popular culture, or its lethal mixture with my ingrained Amish legalism, I have to give it credit for saving me from sinking any lower.
While receiving stitches from an off-duty Oriental doctor in the bus station as a cab driver held me down, I caught a television set out of the corner of my eye. The programming block know as TGIF was a beacon unto me, revealing that my life was not all that bad. That is, in comparison to that of the fellow who played Steve Urkel.
What with the suspenders, floodwater britches and tile frame glasses. Quite a sad gimmick. In particular, the episode that was playing was the once-ubiquitous "Urkel Dance." Talk about a piece of crap. Amazing what people will do for money, eh?
Urkel inspiring spontaneous synchronized dancing from 90's youths.
I took the liberty of using your Internet to look up some lyrics from the song: Now if you want to do the Steve Urkel Dance, all you have to do is hitch up your pants. Bend your knees and stick out your pelvis. I'm telling you baby, it's better than Elvis.
"Somebody got payed to write that. If that creep isn't soulless, he's got to be in worse shape than I am..." Those were the words I remember telling myself as my wounds were being sterilized by infant formula boiled in the snack bar microwave usually reserved for burritos. And suddenly I felt life could be much better.
And if I ever want a real pick-me-up after a bad day, I think about that Urkel fellow. If he's not a transvestite prostitute by now, I'd be surprised. I hear he even did the Urkel dance with Bea Arthur from Golden Girls. By God, he has so much to atone for...more than I could possibly have.
Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to roof the Bear Meadows development. Happy 13th, Urkel Dance!