Telemachus Gaffiganiakis
Aug. 25, 2006
Little people and underdogs across the world are reacting with melancholy over yesterday's announcement in Prague that Pluto will go from becoming a planet to a lesser known, little respected "dwarf planet." The relegation has drawn ire from fans of Pluto who are both perplexed and offended by the move.
Damian Endicott, a little person from suburban Chicago, was particularly dismayed. "Growing up, I loved Pluto. I would get picked on in the playground, beaten up, pantsed, everything you can imagine just because I was little. But, my 4th grade Science teacher told me that I could look to Pluto for hope. I did reports on Pluto. Hell, my hobby of looking through telescopes at the sky or women undressing across the street came to me because of Pluto. It's the little guy among an elite group of big guys, and now it's gone."
Endicott was reduced to tears before the consumption of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich made him feel better.
There were happier times for the little people as seen in this undated photo taken before the Pluto debacle.
Some astronomers felt Endicott's love. They packed into Prague in support of Pluto, many of them holding stuffed animals of the Disney canine character thus confirming that astronomers are indeed complete nerds. But, while thousands were in attendance for the conference, only 300 actually voted on Pluto's descent from the planet club.
Others, however, are even more furious than Endicott. Manuel Cortivo, the head of the Little People Action Committee (LPAC) is offended by Pluto's designation as a "dwarf planet."
"This is highly offensive," Cortivo said. "Dwarf is inappropriate nomenclature made to put down an individual or a planet. Pluto should still be a planet. We've been calling it a planet. Now it's a dwarf planet. What's next? It'll be knocked down to midget planet? Needless to say, I'm not going to allow my children to learn any more astronomy, and I encourage others to do the same."
But, professor Edward Gander believes that it is just a matter of words used in the scientific fields. "Dwarf planet is just a name. It's not meant to be offensive at all. There's a lot of so-called political incorrectness in astronomy. For example, the 'dago asteroid,' the 'peg leg comet,' and the 'small-titted meteor' to name a few, but you don't see the Italians, the handicapped, or the flat-chested complaining."
Regardless of a person's side in the whole Pluto matter, it seems to be the children who will lose out. Young Sheila Crumpton remarked, "I'll miss Pluto, but since my board of education is poor and will never buy new books, no one in my class will ever know that it isn't a planet anymore. Way to go science!"
At the conclusion of each of my interviews, I played the Thomas Dolby song, "She Blinded Me With Science."