by Telemachus Gaffiganiakis
Nov. 4, 2007
Singer-songwriter Carly Simon admitted to an interviewer that the mysterious individual that is the subject of her song, “You’re So Vain” is comedian and former Full House actor Dave Coulier. “I let it slip in the interview,” said Simon. “I’ve just destroyed one of music’s greatest debates.”
According to witnesses and the little amount of information that Simon revealed, the singer and Coulier met in Detroit, Michigan when the funnyman was only 11. At that point, Coulier had begun to do stand-up and voices on stage and immediately attracted the then 25-year old Simon. They had a bizarre platonic yet borderline sexual friendship, but according to sources, the words in the song hit close to home.
“The line about Saratoga profiles Coulier’s horse racing gambling addiction, he notably would wear apricot scarfs as a youth, and clouds in my coffee details the kind of hallucinogens Coulier would use that would later create such characters as ‘The Jackalope’ on America’s Funniest People,” says freelance music writer Pietro Rivers.
NBC executive Dick Ebersol confirmed the report. Ebersol had won an auction in 2004 to have Simon reveal the identity of the subject of the song to him as long as he did not pass along the name to anyone else. “Coulier is what she told me,” Ebersol said. “It seems idiotic now that I paid so much to find out the name. I should have just waited three years. Then again, I also shouldn’t have ever agreed to the XFL existing on NBC.”
Coulier could not be reached for comment, however Full House co-star Bob Saget commented on the matter. “I’m not sure if it’s about Dave, but it’s not about me. I don’t know how those rumors got out. I never dated Carly Simon. Watch 1 vs. 100 on NBC!”
Warren Beatty, who many had believed the song was about including the actor himself was unconvinced. “I have a hard time seeing a connection between Coulier and Carly. I still think the song is about me.” The irony of Beatty’s conviction would then surely make him the man in the song for indeed he “probably thinks the song is about him” and is thus “so vain.”
Fans are likewise left unconvinced. “I think it is a ploy,” says Deena Terwilliger, a diehard Carly Simon fan. “I have a hard time believing it is just one person, let alone a man who does an amazing Bullwinkle impression.”
“I don’t care enough,” says Frank Karps. “I’m still trying to figure out all the demonic messages in ‘Hotel California.’”
"I'm so vain? Ehh geh gek gah!" (It's difficult to write out a Popeye impression)