by Otto Beardfarthingson, Grand Duke of Pomerania
Jan. 27, 2007
Aldrick, I'll be frank with you.....What? No, no, no. I didn't say I am a Frank. I said I'll BE frank.
Confound it! Put your hearing cornucopia up to your ear, Aldrick!
As I was saying. I'll be frank with you. I'm having second thoughts about this trade guild. You know, Lubeck is a great place to live and work. It's been a great city ever since we decided to stop throwing our dead into village cisterns and polluting the water supply. But a living isn't what it used to be anymore.
Yes, yes. Damn the Swedes. I know how you detest them, but can you really blame them for wanting maritime dominance? You do remember their Viking forbears from those tales your father's father's father passed down, do you not? It's in their hearts.
But as I was saying, this Hanseatic League has seen better days. At its glory, every city from Livonia to the Lowlands wanted to declare itself Hansa. And as a young apprentice, I remember you regaling me with tales of the founding of the London Kontor tradehouse. It was so resplendent, but now it sits in disarray. Now it's only good for you-know-what. And it's not like you can use their services inconspicuously, either, since they passed that law making them wear bells on their heads.
Oh, we have been brought low...
Did you go to that last Hansa meeting? And how many cities were represented? That's right, three. And I'm pretty sure Copenhagen was drunk and had nothing better to do. It was such a pointless meeting. All we could do was take attendance and then listen to Danzig bitch about how it needed lower tariffs on their cargo ships for its exports.
Everyone knows that they're not getting any more. You would've thunk they'd figured it out by now. But then again, that's why we started making Polish jokes about five years ago. The jokes haven't stopped, and I don't think they will in the future. Hey, Aldrick! How many Poles does it take to use a candle mold? Oh, you heard that one? How about the printing press one? Oh, that one, too. Blast.
Anyhow, I just feel like scrapping the whole guild. Our ships send fewer loads of fur and herring to all the ports. Amsterdam won't even reply to our folios anymore. I think the Finns stop by our tradehouse for a cargo check just because they feel sorry for us. I mean, they could just pay tribute to Sweden and breeze right by like everyone else.
Lubeck is still a good town. But I'm starting to think that my father was right when he said being a merchant was a dishonorable position to be left to Jews. Perhaps I could get into the law program at the university when this gig runs dry. This town's gone to the burgermeisters anyhow. No sense trying to pretend we're going to pull a Venice and be an independent city-state much longer.
What say you, Aldrick?