by Casey Hampton, Local Commercial Pre-Teen Spokesperson
Feb. 7, 2009
In 1968, my grandfather taught my dad and his brothers the adult boutique business, and 40 years later, we're taking the same family approach that has made our store a success that brings customers back.
by Stan Blaxberry
April 24, 2008
Hey there! Are you guys from the Watchtower Society? May I say, you guys make a great periodical. I wasn't interested in Jehovah's Witnesses until I noticed your top-notch magazine.
If this were last week, I would've pretended I wasn't home when you came to the door. But since my girlfriend, Amber, left with the television and most of the furniture, I've had some time to think about you guys and your Kingdom Hall outfit.
March 10, 2008
March 9, 2008
Sept. 10, 2007
by Ashley Peppar
July 16, 2007
Straight up now tell me what's so special about this guy?
July 4, 2007
Gloria, your daughter is blind. Why in the world would you torture the poor girl by taking her to the fireworks show?
by Shaquille O'Neal
April 12, 2007
I was in uhh, Shaqapulco and, next thing I know the cell starts shakin'. I was pretty happy considering the fact that I have been getting uhh, tired carrying most of the Heat's workload because the Flash was hurt.
Feb. 19, 2007
Louis Tran ?!
Wow man, what are the odds? I mean the things I have to thank you for: your genes, your Vietnamese descent, your cliche facial features and puffy lips. Just like me!
by Otto Beardfarthingson, Grand Duke of Pomerania
Jan. 27, 2007
Aldrick, I'll be frank with you.....What? No, no, no. I didn't say I am a Frank. I said I'll BE frank.
by Al Davis, Karaoke Night DJ
Jan. 20, 2007
Whoa, rugby shirt frat boy. I'm sorry. You've just completely missed the point of "Piano Man."
by Bobby Jinglehorse
Dec. 30, 2006
Let's see now. Ah yes, the produce sprinkler turns on in 5...4...3...2...1...It's quite wonderful to see that Safeway keeps its greens leafy and watered with such regularity.
Dec. 10, 2006
Oh crap! Did I just use a bidet? My old man would roll over in his grave. I know it's technically not a bidet; it's doesn't look like a porcelain water fountain for dogs. But it's just the same. A cold stream up your cornhole is a cold stream up your cornhole.
by Ardent Needle Cousin, Gilded Rose Foundation
Nov. 19, 2006
Relax. We need some information first. Just the basic facts, can you show me where it hurts?
by Bud Selig
Nov. 7, 2006
Every April 15th, Major League Baseball celebrates Jackie Robinson Day, a moving tribute to the player who broke down baseball's racial barriers. Today, I am announcing another baseball memorial. Today, November 7th, is Frank Robinson Day! Today will not only commemorate the accomplishments of this "talented" "manager," but will also remind us to reflect on the massive exodus of blacks or coloreds from baseball.
Oct. 8, 2006
What are you kidding me? This is too real Chinese food! I don't care if it's inside of an airport.
by Crocodile
Sept. 5, 2006
Steve,
Well you finally did it to yourself this time. I'm a little embarassed that it wasn't us that got the best of you, but at the same time I believe you went the way you would've wanted to.
Aug. 23, 2006
A drunken answering machine message from Dr. Vijay Yeshodevsurishwarji to co-worker Dr. Vagtar Bhakt:
Aug. 10, 2006
"I like Indians shortstop Jhonny Peralta, so why not change the spelling of my name to Jhonny? For the first time in my life, I say 'Yes, Disassemble!'
a classified ad by Donald Tandom
Aug. 8, 2006
I'm looking for a new yes man. My last one was in a very unfortunate paper shredder accident and I need a new one as soon as possible. There will be modest pay with benefits.
July 31, 2006
"Let's face it," MacGyver said. "That guy (Sparrow) should have died about 50 times in those two movies. He's catching up to my death-defying world record!